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You met this amazing New York guy online on that splendid dating site four months back and life has never been the same! You go into raptures just at the mention of that site and recommend it to your dear friend who is single and ready to mingle. You hope she too gets lucky, like you did. You go out of your way to help her understand how the site works, and then, you stumble across the biggest blunder of your life, your New York boyfriend's profile is still ACTIVE!

The Shock!

Well, until that moment you almost thought you had met your perfect match online. You still swoon at the thought of the romantic nights you spent together, and you can see his lovely Christmas gift sitting right on your table. You sincerely inactivated your profile and have not gone back to that dating site since then. After all, your search for a soul mate had apparently ended after you met "him!" You feel cheated! Not only is his profile "active," but it shows he has been in touch with other girls right under your nose! How could this ever happen?

But, why did he do it?

Does it mean he was never ever serious about your relationship? Was he just looking out for a few days of fun? It may not always be so. Keeping a profile active does not mean he is sleeping around with several girls. In fact, he may be serious about you, but just logging on for some entertainment and fun. Some men like to pamper their egos by receiving emails from more girls while in a relationship. They may even email back saying they are seeing someone else! It may just be a harmless act.

Obviously, you do not close your eyes to the rest of the world just because you are in a relationship! A few guys may be in touch with other girls just to be sure they are in the right relationship. Such interactions may help them value the relationship they are already in, or in some cases, it may indicate that all is not as rosy as it seems.

However, it may just be a classic case of internet addiction! In spite of being in a relationship, he cannot help going online and gawk at all the attention coming his way and keying back replies! It is one of the perils of online dating!

Do I confront him?

Relax! There is no doubt you are hurt, but think rationally when you cool down a bit! For all you know, it may have been just some harmless online flirting!

The foundation of any relationship is trust, so you need to talk to him if this issue is gnawing at your heart.

Confronting him directly may not be a wise move. You obviously don't want him to feel you have been spying on him. Tread with care. Tell him you have rendered your online profile inactive because you value your relationship with him right now. You can casually ask him how serious he is about your relationship and how long does he plan to keep his profile active? (Do not give the slightest hint that you know what you know!)

The verdict

If he is sincere and honest enough to admit that he wishes to keep his profile active for a few months more, it is worth giving him some more time. Possibly, in his earlier relationships he made some wrong choices. Now he is more cautious. Meanwhile, give him his space. Do not keep peeking at his profile and getting hurt, wondering who else he might be dating!

Some New York guys may be out there in cyberspace only for fun and never really intend to be serious about a relationship. If he avoids talking about your relationship or beats about the bush, beware! Think whether you really want to invest more time in this relationship, which may be headed nowhere.

If he outright denies having his profile active, drop him like a hot potato. He is not worth all your affection. Thank your lucky stars that you got to know him before it was too late!