We have all experienced what it’s like to talk to a pushy salesperson.
They have something they need to sell us and we are not interested in buying. Our internal alarms go up as if to say, “here we go again with some aggressive sales tactic.” They’re doing their best to convince us by explaining all the great features we could have for the price.
They ask us questions about our interests, probing for a way to relate and befriend us. They think if they can just establish a quick friendship with us, it will be harder for us to not make the purchase. The longer we are in the discussion, the more it feels like an obligation to engage, and the more we want to run away.
The tension and awkwardness only escalates the harder they try.
So, how is that so many Washington DC men think that selling themselves is part of some dating process?
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You see it happen every Friday and Saturday night around the city. It’s date night for Washington DC and every expensive restaurant in the city is packed with nervous couples. They’re easy to spot. They sit facing each other with a large table between them, usually exchanging polite but forced smiles. The discussions are filled with a litany of probing questions and carefully addressed answers. It is an interview process mixed into a sales process, depending on who’s most interested in the outcome of the exchange.
No wonder that most find the dating process unappealing. Seems as if no one properly learned how to date.
Fix Your Attitude. Be Positive.
It’s not a process, it’s state of mind. It’s about what you focus on. It’s about what interests you, what you’re passionate about, what drives you. It’s about how you react to the world around (or more importantly, how you mostly don’t). It’s about whether you are needy or have something to offer.
Own Your Faults.
The best salespersons in the world, are never interested in convincing you of anything. What they do instead is counter intuitive to most. They essentially lean into the objections early on the interaction. They are only interested in engaging you if you are the type of person that is interested in what they have to offer. If you’re not, that’s okay, just means this wasn’t a good fit and the interaction doesn’t need to go any further.
So, if you think dating is about selling yourself, then start by letting everyone know what your not. Admit to whatever faults you think you have and stop hiding from these insecurities. Not only can this be liberating, it has the counter-intuitive effect of demonstrating confidence in a non-needy fashion.
In other words, instead of trying hard to present something you are not, try being vulnerable for a change and allowing others to accept you as you. That’s the kind of self-acceptance that women find irresistible and it comes from men that are truly self-confident.
Need Dating Advice? Whenever You’re Ready.
I work exclusively in one-on-one sessions and have limited availability. Most students go for six sessions over a period of two to three months. The learning process is a progressive methodology (yes there’s homework) that involves changing bad habits, taking chances, and developing an active, adult lifestyle.
Sorry, no more “How to Be Awesome” workshops. No more “infield” sessions. No more group classes. And, we have never, ever conducted “weekend bootcamps.” Sorry kids, that stuff doesn’t work. There are no shortcuts in life, but with the right direction and help, you can dramatically improve your personal life.
If you think you are ready and are serious about committing to what it takes, I would be happy to talk to you. Let me know why you think you’re ready.
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