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There’s always a bit of fear that goes into approaching women.   From the moment you see who you want, your reptilian part of your brain starts to fire off all kinds of reasons why you should preserve your ego from getting bruised.

“She’s out of my league.”

“She’s talking to someone.”

“She must be with that guy.”

“She saw me look at her but she didn’t smile back.”

“She’s too _______.”

The typical advice is not to think so much and just go talk to her.  Everyone has heard of the “three second” rule by now.  And yet, if that solves the problem, why does it continue to affect so many guys?

Well, let’s face it, a three second window of opportunity is pretty small and rather impractical. I’ve seen this scenario play out thousands of times.   I’ve been in those ruts myself, like most experienced guys have also been.  The problem, the fear of rejection or whatever, just doesn’t go away.   And we all know, the longer you wait, the harder it is, as if your feet grow roots into the floor.  It’s just easier to talk to your friends and complain about the lack of available women that it is to grab your balls and talk to her.

But there’s one thing you have to fear, more the fear itself: it’s boredom.

Boredom is nearly useless.  The only thing boredom does is to remind you that you are letting life slip by you.  Boredom is what you regret spending time on, every time. Worse yet, the more boredom you have in your life, the more boring you are as a person.  And nothing can kill an opportunity with someone then by actually being downright… boring.

Frankly, boredom will keep your fat ass in doors.   It’ll keep you from going to the gym.  It’ll keep you from trying new events.  It’ll keep you from traveling around the world.  Or staying in that shit job because it pays the bills.  No one talks about the boring times they’ve spent, why?  Because it’s damn boring to hear it.   Frankly, boredom will drain your life away.  You should fear that above all else.

So I propose the next time you are out, and you start rooting into the floor with fear that the “timing” isn’t right to talk to a group of girls, decide right there that of all the things you could be, you are not going to boring.  You will not be lame!

Then just go and blow the damn set up, simply to see what happens.  It’ll be far more entertaining that just standing around doing nothing.   I’ll take risk of a momentarily bruised ego for getting shot down, than boredom any day.  It’s frankly a lot safer.

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The Impact of Mass Incarceration on Black Love

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