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There's a difference between communicating disapproval and nagging. Nagging is unproductive and emasculating. When a woman's voice leaps into it's high range and her volume hits "ten", her message is lost. You sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, "wa wa wa." Even if you're right and have a valid complaint, the point is lost because you chose to "nag" instead of calmly communicating. Most men are masculine dominant driven creatures and nagging presents itself as a challenge to our power. This, in turn, causes us to shut out the message and go on defense.

The lesson here is not what you have to say but how you say it. For example, you've asked your husband to not leave his dirty clothes around, drive slower, or remember to feed the dog, yet he continually fails to execute your requests. This makes you angry, rightly so, all of these are valid complaints. What most people will do, in this situation, is lash out and start screaming, "I've told you time and time again, you never listen, why the hell can't you do the simplest things I ask you." You've effectively given your man an excuse NOT to do them. You've just gone into bitch mode and he thinks to himself, "there is no way she's going to tell me what to do." Even if he knows you're right, he may refuse to comply simply to stand his ground. Yes, it's childish but it happens more than it should.

So if it's results you're interested in, you don't have an ax to grind on some other matter involving Mr Wonderful, and you love your man, then may I suggest the following;

 Three level progression, each level escalates if he does not comply:

1. Ask him politely; "honey, I love you. It would mean a lot to me if you would please drive a bit slower, I get scared when you drive so fast. It's not that I think you're a bad driver, it's that the other people are idiots and I worry what they will do."

2. In a calm tone, when you're not in the car, explain to him that he can drive how ever he wants when he's alone but that it makes you very nervous when he drives fast - with all the accidents you hear about.  Also tell him that you love him - again - and that you would be crushed if anything bad happened to him. This would also be a good time to throw in a joke, IF YOU'RE FUNNY ;-) Something like, "honey, you wouldn't want me to have to start flying around on my broom again, would you?" 

3. Pull out a 12 gage shotgun, point it at his head and scream; "slow the fuck down or I'll blow your brains out, asshole." I'm kidding, DO NOT DO THAT. 

Ask him when he has time to speak, arrange a sit down at the kitchen table and calmly express the statistics on accidents, increased costs of insurance, and how much it means to you for him to help out with your request.  There is no rush, where are we going in such a hurry.  Also explain to him that you will no longer drive with him if he continues to drive fast. Remain calm and patient no matter what he says.

A "three strikes you're out / three level progression" can be applied to just about any situation where you want your man to change a certain behavior. You can't change the essence of who somebody is but you can change the things they do with a little basic psychology 101.

Remember, keep your eye on the results, don't let your ego get in the way, remain patient, and not everyone thinks like you do.  

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