How do you stop impulsively sending texts, calling, and reconnecting with the exes who make you miserable? Here’s my story:
“The Frown Brigade? There’s got to be a story behind this!” Said Mya, the wizardess helping me transfer phone numbers into a new phone.
It was a group of numbers in my phone dedicated to all the exes I still spoke with on occasion. They were my “Frown Brigade,” and when I was feeling down, I would call one of them and feel even worse for the conversation.
You never call an ex when you’re feeling great. It’s always when you’re feeling low, drunk, sad, or miserable that you reach out to one. You know the situation. No matter what your ex is doing when she picks up the phone, it sounds amazing compared to your life.
Case in point: One solitary evening about 2 years ago. I was sitting on the couch, being miserable and lonely. All my friends were busy so I called HER.
Me: “Hi, it’s Seth.”
HER: “I know, Seth, what’s up? Are you okay?” (She was asking out of common courtesy. Of course, I took her question to mean that she still cared).
Me: “I’m good. You know, been busy. What have you been up to?”
Her: “Oh, that’s good to hear! I’m really glad, Seth. I’ve got to go though. I’m making a peanut butter sandwich. I’m glad you called!”
::beep::
At first, I was angry at the peanut butter sandwich for being more interesting and sexy than me. Then I realized that my ex had simply dealt with me politely and moved on with her evening. I wanted to know how to do that.
After many workouts, countless conversations with honest friends and willing strangers, and a few mishaps:
Here are five concepts I have successfully used to alleviate the powers of an ex.( This won’t work for you amazing creatures called single parents, I’m sorry):
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Accept that getting over an ex can be an incredibly painful experience. The more fully you can accept each part of the task you face, the better you’ll be at handling the low points and failures you encounter in the process.
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Remove any trace of contact information. Delete the phone numbers. Block her on every social media platform you can. (Facebook, etc) Think of it as taking all the crack out of your house. You want to get over the addiction, don’t store crack in your house and don’t keep an exe’s phone number!
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Set up your own “Phone a Friend” lifeline. Find a friend who will commit to talking you “away from the edge” of calling an ex. I mentioned this in my New Year’s post and I know, for certain, that friends can be a great help in escaping an ex.
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Do not let your ex make you fat. Increase your level of exercise immediately following a break up. I once committed to adding 3 miles to my run each time I called a particular ex. We’ll call her The Dragon for convenience. After running an extra 9 miles following one evening of weakness, I was ready to move on with my life…slowly and painfully. After a few weeks of intense workouts, I was faster, thinner, and sleeping through the night. I also had more confidence and energy.
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Stop waiting to get over your ex. I have sat alone for days, moping like a scorned princess in a tower, and it did not make me happy. When I realized that I should be celebrating my release from something that was making me unhappy, I was able to move forward. Go ahead and mourn for awhile, but do not let the goblin of your failed relationship gnaw on your smile.
Everybody in the small wireless store had stopped to listen to my conversation with Mya.
“Shall I transfer all the numbers but these, then?” She asked.
“Yes,” I agreed. “I think I’ll be just fine without them.”
And I was.
I wish you all the best as you move away from the relationships that drag you down. It can be a fierce battle, I know. But if you make a decision to rid your life of the people who drag you down and enlist your friends to help, you will triumph!
Have you found something that has served you well in getting over an ex? Please share in a comment!
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